Today we found out that Audrey will most likely need another surgery in the next year. I guess there’s really no way the doctors could have predicted this, but it still feels like a surprise. Today we had a follow up appointment after the angioplasty a few weeks ago. Dr. Shaffer explained the approximate upcoming year plan for Audrey: angioplasties every 2-3 months until Audrey’s artery is wide enough for a surgery.
Honestly there are moments of panic when I just want to move back “home” to Dallas where my parents and family live, thinking it will be better to face this reality with them. Just a few weeks ago I was suggesting to Will that we can just sell our house and move back to Dallas. However, I know that’s not what needs to be done. Driving home after the doctor appointment today I thought of this option but then quickly dismissed it. Our home is here in Denver with our church, friends and this city. Just last night Will and I were talking about how perfect my new job is, how God clearly has been providing for us. I only work Tuesday-Thursday each week and it’s a pretty peaceful situation, taking care of Audrey and one other little baby. I get a 4 day weekend every week, so it feels like I have vacation at the end of each work week. I thought about this today as I look ahead at the coming year. We make Audrey’s angioplasty appointments for Fridays, then come home Saturday and we still have Sunday and Monday off before work. It’s really going to be okay.
I asked Dr. Shaffer when all this would be over and I guess there is no answer. The surgery would make Audrey’s artery larger but then it might need to be worked on again as she grows bigger. This next surgery will hopefully solve the main issue of blood flow to her left lung and the rest would just be maintenance.
It’s really hard imagining your baby in the hospital over and over and over. This is why I have thought about moving home so many times, because I would rather hide in a cave than face this reality of being strong for Audrey. Each hospital visit is being strong and happy with her, pressing forward and hoping for the best. It’s emotionally exhausting! She is an extremely happy baby though and she’s doing so wonderfully. I thank God for her joy and for giving Will and I patience and love for her. I’m also really thankful for our Bradley Method birthing classes and Attachment Parenting for teaching Will and I how to nurture and comfort Audrey in ways I was unaware of before she was born. I have a desire to encourage other moms to hold their little babies close, especially in hospital situations. Maybe this is a new calling, maybe it’s not about me at all.
We are going to stay here in Denver though, and press forward through all of these hospital visits and another surgery. We aren’t going to focus on the visits though, we are going to continue living our life each day and finding the joy and beauty around us. I haven’t always trusted God through all of Audrey’s health issues, but I can honestly say that I know God is good and He is taking care of us.